Been some time...
So it’s been a while since I posted, like seven months or so…. I dropped off tumblr for awhile, so I could do real-world things like find a job. Which, I did! I pray for people. That’s my job. No, seriously, it is. That and whatever else needs to be done in the office. So some days that’s graphic design. Others, cleaning the office. Remaking signs (read: coloring all day...
So I just remembered my best friend got switched to working 4-10’s. Which means she’s off today. And not awake right now. And I was just dumb enough to send her a text message. Go me.
back to work
It’s 8:31 am. I’ve been typing my second novel for thirty minutes now. Maybe an hour. Maybe less because I get distracted by tumblr and google. Been sipping coffee out of my TARDIS mug as I work. I keep getting lost within the world I’ve created. That world seems more like home than home. The characters seem more like my family than my actual family (which doesn’t take a...
Alrighty, tumblr. Working on posting again. I’m on tumblr almost every day looking at things, but writing? Eh not so much. I’m slowly typing up my second novel. Once past the first nineteen chapters (all the chapters are very short), I basically wrote it out of order…. I think I just accidentally made my novel a time traveler. Anyways, I’m typing it up and trying to figure...
The weeping angel you called ugly? She can't even...
doctorwho: neeks: “If you don’t reblog, you only have one heart.”
1 week today till the new series of Doctor Who!
I hope you’re happy, now you’re choosing this. You too, I hope it...– “Defying Gravity” Wicked An old acquaintance from high school got married over the weekend. It’s one I need to go back and apologize-wait, I need to apologize to a lot of people from high school for my behavior. I feel like I hurt a lot of people or put them in a position to get...
it will never end
I was twelve. I remember being in my school library, with classmates I knew talking about Harry Potter. I had to put my name on a list to get the first one. I read it in a day and got the second one as soon as I could. I read it in a day as well. I was hooked from the start. As I try to remember what it was like reading as a kid, I know I was devouring the books whenever I could. I would stay up...
Okay, so it’s been awhile. I didn’t get the job. That’s a-okay. It was a sales job, and I didn’t know that up front and basically sank in the interview once I found that out. Dad’s finally recognizing me as a vocalist, which is something I NEVERNEVEREVEREVERNEVER thought would happening. It’s weird.
I FINALLY got a call about a job today, but my phone messed up, so it went to voice mail. So I called them back. And it went to their voice mail. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR COME ON. CALL ME BACK.
Mom: Grandma said you’re independent. The doctor said you’re strong-willed. I guess you’re not. Mom said this yesterday while we were talking about the problems I have with my parents. And I swear to you, God keeps screaming in my head “DO. NOT. LISTEN. TO. HER.”
I’ve been working on various novels lately, and to get ready for one of them, I’ve been reading through my old journals from high school and my first year of college. Who I was then was a wreck. Walking wreck. I was suicidal a couple of times, but I didn’t write about it until my second year of college. I was incredibly depressed. It’s obvious to me. Other people would...
from shutdown to victory
I went on my first run since…before finals? I haven’t run consistently since March. It’s been bothering me, but I’m now back to a place where I can. I got the Nike+ GPS app on the iPod Touch I bought from my sister. I was going to get some time in, was just waiting for it to cool off (it never did. Hello 6am runs). Finally, I got to where I couldn’t wait anymore and...
Been sitting and thinking recently. I’m done with college. I don’t really have to answer to anyone (except God, but in my head, that’s understood). So, I could theoretically be whoever I want to be. So, in all honesty, I’ve been trying to figure out who I want to be. Specifically, if I took away the influence of my family and the people around me, who am I? In my hometown,...
I use tumblr for my daily dose of inspiration. I really do. I have “inspiration” and “happy” as tagged searches in my sidebar (as well as Doctor Who, but I’m a nerd). The real world tells me I’m so messed up. I’m twenty-three, recent college graduate without a job, stuck at home with my parents who haven’t quite grasped the fact I can indeed cook...
I been doing some praying lately, about things in my past, and I feel like sharing. PAY ATTENTION, ‘cause this could help you. We all have that one moment that defines who we are now. Some are good, some are bad. Mine is a handjob I was pressured into giving nearly five years ago now. I feel like it defines me because that action broke me. I was never the same. Now listen really closely....
The end... and the beginning
“2 hours and 57 minutes until graduation.” Holy crap this is actually happening.
I’ve been looking for positive music this...
Finals: 2 down, 2 to go
I’ve seriously have been trying to study for today’s final. But when it’s at 8am, and you can skip the final and still make a C in the class…’tis a little hard. Waiting for the coffee to get done. Then I’ll read over everything. Get a bath at some point, and then run off to take care of this. College is almost over. This stupid final that reminds me of the...
62words: She finally accepted it was out of her hands. She gave up worrying. Just like that. The weight still hung around her neck like an anchor. The fear of failure still clung to her like wet clothing. But she would not worry. She pushed it to the side as if it was a curtain, only in the way. She would not worry.
Heard this on the radio…Monday, I think....
Today I woke up feeling sexy. Nothing about this morning should be sexy. I’m in sweatpants and a tank. It’s been a few days since I washed my hair, so my curls are crushed. Yesterday’s make-up is smeared all over the place. Broken out in a few places. But I woke up feeling sexy. For possibly the first time ever. I’m going with it. :D
LAST DAY OF CLASSES. OH EM GEEZ! IT IS MY LAST DAY OF UNDERGRADUATE CLASSES EVAR! DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITED I AM!? AAAAAAAAHHH!
today, I will
Today, I will stop apologizing for being me. Today, I will fight for being me. Today, I will stop apologizing for the decisions I make that make me happy. Today, I will go to war for me. I will not stop fighting for my health, my safety, and my well-being. My decisions are between me and God. And I will NOT apologize for that.
after quoting A Very Potter Musical
Nathan: He's drunk-
Marcus: No, I'm not.
Me: He isn't.
Nathan: Then what's your excuse?
Me: This is how I live. Deal with it.
Been hanging out with one of the girls from XA. She and I both went through abusive relationships and also have emotionally abusive parents, and that’s what we talk about the most. She’s still hurting from the relationship, and she has a hard time opening up about it. She told me Thursday that some times she’ll start hyperventilating while talking about it if she goes too far...
I will learn to be happy being me. I will learn who I am apart from everyone else. And I will learn to be me regardless of who’s around. I will not back down to people who think I am worthless, good-for-nothing, or that I am less of a person because I am not exactly like them. I will not return to who I used to be. I will fight.
Excuse me while I reset my life. Because I’ll get things semi-okay, and then something happens and it goes back to crap. And I’m tired of the going back to crap. This isn’t going to keep happening.
Recital: It’s over. Day after recital: Absolute wreck. Apparently, working towards my recital was the only thing holding me together. I could shove everything else away and go hide in a practice room, play my saxophone and whatever my brain was thinking would shut up for a few moments. I cried a few times in between hitting my bed after the recital to yesterday afternoon. Just...
MY RECITAL IS ONE DAY! I’M SO EXCITED! SO EXCITED! Seriously, for realz, I woke up in the middle up the night, couldn’t get back to sleep because I had the kid-on-Christmas-morning excitement about tomorrow night. Which will make today interesting. Here’s hoping I get legit sleep tomorrow.
stuff to choreograph
“Gravity” - Shawn McDonald “Gravity” - Sara Barielles “Galaxies” - Owl City “Stand in the Rain” - Superchic[k] more to be added later
Do the things that you always wanted to Without me there to hold you back,...– Snow Patrol - “You Could Be Happy”
Every morning this week, the first thought on my mind in my recital. It’s almost over. Last rehearsal was last night. I’ll practice with Jacki at some point. Recital Friday. Almost over.
want to see you happy
After spending my life trying to please the people around me and lived to make my dad happy, I’ve decided to not do that. What I will do is make the people around me happy. I know, that sorta sounds circular and not making sense. I want to bring smiles to people’s faces. I want to make their days just a bit better. I want to write music that makes them happy, and stories that show...
Mood of the moment.
And this morning, my mind wants to freak out. I’ve been feeling great about this for two and a half weeks, NOW I want to freak. This is super lame. Off to listen to recital stuff, finish breakfast and get things timed so I know if/what I can cut.
I will REJOICE because it is almost over. I will REJOICE because I have made it through.
Dear you, God has me pray for you on a regular basis. And believe me, when I pray, things change. Your life is about to change, for the better. Things that tripped you up won’t be an issue anymore. You about to step into a relationship with God that you never knew was possible. The things that keep you down and depressed and keeps you in the dark won’t have a hold on you anymore. You...
dancing among the stars
what you don’t know is she’ll be gone in the morning she disappears into the sunlight, just like a vapor you won’t even realize she’s gone until it’s way too late she moves quickly, gracefully, floats with the wind here for one moment, gone with the next going with the flow, dancing all the way she may be here for only today, but tomorrow, she’ll be...
God kept me up last night praying for someone. I’m almost tempted to call that person right now and be like, “What’s going on? Tell me the truth, ‘cause I know something went down last night.” But I’m gonna be respectful…a little bit. ‘Cause it’s 7:42 am. But once it gets later, hoboy.